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Notice to All Staff:
Effective November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our district will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All Certificated Staff with side incomes or whose spouses or family members have businesses will be pooling their incomes and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a ‘fair shake.’
2. All Classified Staff will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally among yourselves. This will help those who choose not to work overtime to share the rewards of those who don’t mind working extra hours.
3. All Administration will now be referred to as The Government. We will not participate in this inspiring income pooling experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The Government will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard for the good of all.
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's “good to spread the wealth.” Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more patriotic.
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. Invite others to come from other countries, the door is wide open although the chances for achieving the traditional American Dream are no more.
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.
-- adapted from an email.
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